Soft Skills & Emotional Intelligence

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

Want to stay motivated every single day? Borrow a strategy from Harvard. Then borrow another from stand up comedy. Together, they’re a powerhouse for momentum, motivation, and mastery. Here’s how it works: Let’s start with Harvard. Researcher Teresa Amabile studied 12,000 daily work diaries across 8 companies. She wanted to know: What truly motivates people on a day to day basis? What she found changed how we understand drive. The #1 driver of daily motivation wasn’t: Money Praise Perks It was progress. The days people made progress on meaningful work were the days they felt the best. Progress isn’t a luxury. It’s a psychological necessity. So how do we make progress feel visible especially on days when it’s not? Use a “Progress Ritual.” → At the end of the day, pause. → Write down 3 small ways you moved forward. → That’s it. No fanfare. Just ritual. This works because we rarely notice our progress in real time. It gets buried under busyness, meetings, and mental noise. The act of looking back gives your brain the reward it needs to keep going. Momentum builds from meaning. Now let’s add some comedy. Young Jerry Seinfeld had one goal: write new material every day. To stay on track, he created a brilliant system. Each day he wrote, he put a big red X on his calendar. Soon, a chain of Xs formed. And here’s the key: Don’t break the chain. One red X becomes two. Two becomes ten. Ten becomes identity. Whether you’re writing, coding, or training Daily action + visual chain = long-term motivation. Summary: The Two-Part Motivation System From Harvard: Record 3 ways you made progress each day. From Seinfeld: Mark an X for each day you show up then don’t break the chain. Progress fuels purpose. Consistency fuels confidence. Apply both and you’ll stay on track especially on the tough days. Because when your days get better, your weeks get better. When your weeks get better, your months get better. When your months get better, your life gets better. It starts with one small win today.

It’s simple math 🧐 I use to think that motivation was the key to monumental success. Long story short, it’s not. It’s about the little things you do every day that will take you from reasonable to slightly unreasonable to completely unreasonable progress. Your future is not defined by how motivated you are, but by your daily routines and systems. I believe in this so much that we named our company Butterfly 3ffect to reflect the value of incremental gains. we believe that that’s how the best people and brands grow. Here’s how you grow the small way: 1. Start by setting achievable goals, like reading one chapter of a book each day or going for a short walk 2. Practice gratitude by writing down three things you're thankful for every night before bed 3. Engage in daily self-reflection, even if it's just for a few minutes, to assess your thoughts and actions 4. Incorporate small acts of kindness into your daily routine, like holding the door for someone or offering a genuine compliment 5. Learn something new every day, whether it's a fun fact, a new word, or a new skill 6. Prioritise self-care by getting enough sleep, staying hydrated, and taking breaks when needed 7. Surround yourself with positive influences, whether it's uplifting books, supportive friends, or inspiring podcasts 8. Embrace failure as a learning opportunity and a stepping stone to growth 9. Stay consistent and patient, knowing that small progress over time adds up to significant improvement 10. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, to stay motivated and encouraged along the way.

In 2011, the Amazon Appstore failed on launch and Jeff Bezos was furious. It was my fault, and I handled one aspect of recovery so poorly that one of my engineers quit. I still regret it 14 years later. Please learn from my mistake. The main lesson is that when you are leading through a crisis, it can feel like it is all about you. It isn’t. It is about: 1) Solving the problem 2) Guiding your team through it The product issue was that there were some pretty simple bugs, and we solved those problem well enough that I was eventually promoted. Where I failed was in guiding my team through the crisis. My leadership miss was that I neglected to encourage and support the engineer who had written the bad code. He did a great job stepping up and supporting the effort to fix the problem, but shortly afterward, he resigned. During the crisis, I failed to make clear to him that we did not blame him for the launch failure despite the bugs. I imagine that left room for him to think we blamed him or that he didn’t belong. It is also possible that others did blame him directly and that I was too caught up in the crisis to realize it. Both instances were my responsibility as the leader of the team. His resignation taught me a valuable lesson about leading through a crisis: No matter how bad the situation is, your team must be your first priority. If you make them feel safe, they will move heaven and earth to fix the problem. If you don’t, they may still fix the problem, but the team itself will never be the same. As a leader, here is how you can give them what they need: 1) Take the blame and do not allow others to be blamed. In some bug cases after this we did not release the name of the engineer outside the team in order to protect them from judgment or blame. 2) Separate fixing the problem from figuring out why it happened. Once the problem is fixed, you can focus on root-causing. This lowers the risk of searching for answers getting confused with searching for someone to blame. 3) Realize that anyone involved in the problem already feels bad. High performers know when they have fallen short and let their team down. As a leader you have to show them the path to growth and success after the crisis. They do not need to be beaten up on- they have taken care of that themselves. 4) See crises and problems as growth opportunities, not personal flaws. Your team comes with you in a crisis whether you like it or not, so you might as well come out stronger on the other side. As a leader, the responsibility for a crisis is yours in two ways: The problem itself and the effect it has on the future of the team. Don’t get too caught up in the first to think about the second. Readers- Has your team survived a crisis? How did you handle it?

You’re more influenced by the people around you than you think… far more. Social contagion, the process by which emotions, behaviors, and ideas spread through groups, isn’t something that happens only in tight-knit friendships. It happens in workplaces, classrooms, and even through the digital spaces we scroll through daily. Research shows that emotions like happiness and sadness ripple through social networks much like viruses (Rosenquist, Fowler, & Christakis, 2011). In professional settings, behaviors like rudeness or generosity can cascade across entire teams (Foulk et al., 2016). Among students, things like motivation and engagement are surprisingly contagious (Burgess, 2018). And the digital world isn’t exempt. A now-famous Facebook experiment found that users’ emotions could be influenced simply by adjusting the tone of the content they were exposed to (Kramer, Guillory, & Hancock, 2014), without their awareness (ethically questionable). The takeaway is that what surrounds you, both physically and digitally, shapes how you feel, think, and act. Even when you believe you’re making entirely independent decisions, the influence is already at work. So be really conscious of who you’re time with, and how they’re either ‘good’ for you, or not. And if they’re not, try to limit exposure for the sake of your energy, your beliefs, and your motivation. P.S. Would you say you’re aware of who’s really influencing you? Research: Rosenquist, J. N., Fowler, J. H., & Christakis, N. A. (2011). Social network determinants of depression. Molecular Psychiatry, 16, 273–281. Foulk, T. A., Woolum, A. H., & Erez, A. (2016). Catching rudeness is like catching a cold: The contagion effects of low-intensity negative behaviors. Journal of Applied Psych, 101(1), 50–67. Burgess, L. G., Riddell, P. M., Fancourt, A., & Murayama, K. (2018). The influence of social contagion within education: A motivational perspective. Mind, Brain, and Education, 12(4), 164-174. Kramer, A. D. I., Guillory, J. E., & Hancock, J. T. (2014). Experimental evidence of massive-scale emotional contagion through social networks. PNAS, 111(24), 8788–8790.

❄️ What does snow removal have to do with gender equality? Here’s a case from Sweden that will change how you think about "neutral" municipal services. The municipality of Karlskoga decided to examine its snow-clearing practices through a gender lens. What they found was a classic example of how "doing things the way they’ve always been done" can create unintended inequality. Traditional snow plowing prioritized major arteries first, primarily used by men driving to work. Meanwhile, pedestrian walkways, bike paths, and bus stops were cleared last. So they decided to flip the priority. They started clearing paths to daycare centers, schools, and bus stops first. They prioritized pedestrian and cycle networks before the main car roads. Check out this video by SKR Jämställdhet. It’s a masterclass in how small changes in logic create massive changes in lives. 👇 -- There are more examples of Sustainable Gender Equality in the full video—link in the comments.

🥊 “Jingjin, have you ever considered that women are just inferior to men?” That was her opening line. The lady who challenged me was not a traditionalist in pearls. She was one of the top investment bankers of her time, closed billion-dollar deals, led global teams, the kind of woman whose voice dropped ten degrees when money was on the line. And she meant it. “Back in my day, if I had to hire, I’d always go for the man. No pregnancy leave. No PMS. No emotional volatility. Just less… liability.” And she doesn’t believe in what I do. Helping women lead from a place of wholeness. Because to her, wholeness is a luxury. Winning requires neutrality. And neutrality means: be less female and suck it up! I’ve heard versions of this many times, and too often, from high-performing women who "made it" by suppressing. But facts are: 🧠 There are no consistent brain differences between men and women that explain men’s “logic” or women’s “emotions.” 💥 Hormones impact everyone. Men’s testosterone drops when they nurture. Women’s cortisol rises in toxic workplaces, not because they’re weak, but because they’re sane. 📉 What we call “meritocracy” is often a reward system for those who can perform like they have no body, no children, no cycles. None of those are biologically male traits. They’re artifacts of a system built around male lives. So, if you're a woman who's bought into this logic, here are some counter-strategies: 🛠 1. Study Systems Like You Studied Deals Dissect the incentives, norms, and bias loops of your workplace the same way you’d break down a P&L. Don’t internalize what’s structural. 🧭 2. Redefine Strategic Strengths Stop mirroring alpha aggression to prove you belong. Deep listening, self-regulation, and nuance reading, these are leadership assets, not soft skills. Use them ruthlessly. 💬 3. Name It, Don’t Numb It If your hormones impact you one day a month, say so, but also say what it doesn’t mean: It doesn’t cancel out 29 days of clarity, strategy, and execution. 🪩 4. Build Your Own Meritocracy Start investing in spaces, networks, and cultures where your wholeness isn’t penalized. If none exist, build them. 🧱 5. Deconstruct Before You Self-Doubt When you catch yourself thinking “maybe I’m not built for this,” pause. Ask: Whose rules am I trying to win by? Who benefits when I question myself? This post isn’t about defending women. We don’t need defending. It’s about calling out the internalised metrics we still use to measure ourselves. 👊 And choosing to rewrite them. What’s the most 'rational' reason you’ve heard for why women are a liability?

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝘀𝘆𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗥𝗼𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘀 @ 𝗖𝗘𝗦 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗡𝗘𝗨𝗥𝗔 𝗥𝗼𝗯𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝘀! As a trained Tech Psychologist, I often observe Robotics from a very different angle. Not only through: → code → models → hardware → infrastructure …but through human behavior. Because the moment a robot enters a room, our brain instantly evaluates: → Size → Voice → Facial expressions → Eye contact → Movement → Human-likeness → Emotional behavior → Distance & proximity → Predictability And all of this determines one thing: 𝗗𝗼 𝘄𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝘁… 𝗼𝗿 𝗱𝗼 𝘄𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗶𝘁? Some fascinating psychological concepts behind Robotics: 𝗨𝗻𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝘆 𝗩𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲 The more human a robot becomes, the more emotionally connected we feel to it until it becomes “almost human.” Then discomfort suddenly appears. This concept became one of the most influential theories in Human-Robot Interaction. 𝗔𝗻𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝗽𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗽𝗵𝗶𝘀𝗺 Humans naturally assign emotions, intentions and personalities to machines even when we know they are not conscious. This is a central research topic in Human-Robot Interaction at places like the MIT Media Lab. 𝗧𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗼𝗿𝘆 Studies from institutions like Harvard University show that humans can even begin to overtrust robots especially when machines appear socially intelligent or emotionally aware. 𝗦𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 The more socially a robot behaves, the more emotionally humans respond to it. Which means robotics is no longer only engineering. It’s psychology. And maybe that’s exactly the point many companies still underestimate: People don’t use technology because it is technically perfect. They use it because it feels: → intuitive → safe → emotionally understandable → human-centered If not, even the best technology remains unused. That’s why I believe the future of AI & Robotics belongs not only to engineers… …but also to psychologists, designers, behavioral scientists and Tech Translators. So now I’m curious: Would you trust a robot more if it: → looked human or machine-like? → was taller or smaller than you? → spoke emotionally or neutrally? → had a face or no face at all? How do you feel about robots?

AI handled 75% of customer chats at Klarna… and they still brought humans back. Why? Because speed isn’t the same as quality! Because customers noticed the difference. And it wasn’t good. Speed? Great. Empathy? Missing. Trust? Slipping. After a year of leaning heavily on AI, they’re rehiring human support agents. Real people. Not because AI failed—but because it wasn’t enough. AI can answer your question. But only a human can make you feel heard. Klarna is now hiring in rural areas and among student communities—betting on empathy, not just efficiency. This should be a wake-up call. You can automate tasks. But relationships? They still need people! This is why the future isn’t human vs AI. It’s human with AI. And the companies who get that balance right? They’ll win customer loyalty, and talent, faster than any chatbot ever could.

Conflict is inevitable. Emotional intelligence is the antidote. This “conversation guide” is a blueprint for emotional intelligence in action. ✅ Every step here reflects self-awareness, empathy, impulse control, and respect for others’ perspectives — the core pillars of EQ. ✅ Difficult conversations often go wrong not because of what we say, but how and when we say it. ✅ Mastering these skills turns conflict into collaboration. ✅ You create safety, preserve dignity, and move toward solutions — not stand-offs. Bottom line: 🧠 The emotionally intelligent leader doesn’t avoid hard conversations because they know how to have them well. That’s where trust is built, relationships deepen, and real progress happens. Give it another read, and tell me what you think... HOW TO MASTER DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS 1️⃣ Timing Matters ❌ Don’t ambush someone when they’re stressed or busy. ✅ “Can we find a time that works for both of us?” 2️⃣ Starting With Empathy, Not Ego ❌ Don’t jump in with blame or judgment. ✅ Begin by acknowledging their perspective and emotions. 3️⃣ Staying Steady, Not Reactive ❌ Don’t snap back or shut down. ✅ “Okay, I hear you. Can you help me understand what happened?” 4️⃣ Tackling It Early ❌ Don’t let negative feelings fester. ✅ Bring up issues when they’re still small. 5️⃣ Creating The Right Setting ❌ Don’t have tough talks in public or around peers. ✅ “Mind if we step aside and talk in private for a minute?” 6️⃣ Focusing On The Issue ❌ Don’t bring up past grudges or performance issues. ✅ Stay on topic and address one concern at a time. 7️⃣ Finding Common Ground ❌ Don’t frame the conversation as “winning” vs. “losing.” ✅ “We both want [X] by [date and time], right?” 8️⃣ Accepting Responsibility ❌ Don’t deflect or minimize your role in the situation. ✅ “I could’ve handled that better — my bad.” 9️⃣ Avoiding Absolutes ❌ Don’t use words like “always,” “never,” or “impossible.” ✅ Recognize nuance and exceptions to patterns. 🔟 Offering Solutions ❌ Don’t just present problems without plans for moving forward. ✅ “Here’s what I think could help... what do you think?” --- ♻️ Repost if this resonates. ➕ Follow Travis Bradberry for more and sign up for my weekly LinkedIn newsletter. Do you want more like this? 👇 📖 My new book, "The New Emotional Intelligence" is now 10% off on Amazon and it's already a bestseller.